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countdown: 9 more months
Twitter: Quotes: We might kiss when we are alone, when nobody's watching. We might take it home, we might make out when nobody's there. It's not that we're scared. It's just that it's delicate.
Friday, July 18, 2008, 5:53:00 PM
words are flesh


now do i know the meaning of this..although it's just 3 words..it does means a lot...well, things didn't went on smoothly the past few days...

i don't know why

i wished i know...

this bad thing happened between a best friend & me..i was rushing out my assignment that night (really forgotten which night) i supposed i was too tired that i clicked onto the wrong button..that button that led to a disaster...not only i had to re-do my whole assignment which i supposed to pass up on wednesday, i lost a great friend of mine...a friend who was once a sister, my batch mate & my closest...

it all happened the next day...i came back from a flight...i still had time to complete my last bit of assignment so i went to finish it up...i was searching high & low for it but still i couldn't find it..went to click on the assignment i saved, but it turned out to be a draft...this was when i realised i didn't save my work the night before...sigh...i was blaming myself...i smsed DD...he told me not to be so agitated..relax & start doing it as i have the whole day to myself now to finish it up...i tried to but i can't...i was blaming myself...why was i so stupid not to save the assignment...had i save it, i could have done my revision for my exam...sigh...until a point of time, i told myself why blame yourself?? like what DD had said...no point crying over split milk...just do it again since i had the time instead of blaming myself...started a fresh piece of page & did it AGAIN..still mad at myself...then again, mummy started her nagging...fuck la!!! can't i just have some peace??? shit you!!! i'm preparing myself for exams & rushing my assignment..if you refuse to believe what can i do man!!! just come into my room & see what i'm doing then!!! goodness...she started & i just couldn't stand it, i quarrelled with her...& there she goes, started about my friends, the bags, the shoes, the things i had, my boyfriend, my school, my bond, my job!!! almost everything...regarding the shoes, it was daph who gave it to me...she just didn't believe me & thought i was making all sorts of excuses...but i wasn't!! it was really daph who gave me what!!!

just nice, Su called...i didn't wanted to answer...but then i thought it was something important, so i answered...she was asking me about the assignment..i explained & stuff...then she went on by asking about the exam questions mr henry was supposed to send daph...

i swear to god & may i be strike by lightning that i didn't mean it!!!


i told her i hadn't got it yet cuz' daph hasn't send me the document...then she started..

su: ya, she also haven't send me yet
me: me too..it's been a few days already..did mr henry send to her 1 or not?
su: don't know lei, i called daph but she never answer, sms her also never reply.
me: yea, me too...just now she got reply me that 1 msg only..cuz' she told me she just came back from xiamen...asked me why i called..so i replied her INSTANTLY, nothing much just wanted to ask you about the exam questions that mr henry said he wanted to send..then she never reply already man..
su: what's wrong with her ah? usually she reply so fast one right..
me: yea..& that msg i sent was like instant what..can't be busy what...she told me she just got back lei..
su: don't know la..
me (blood boil already): yea...it's like she doesn't want to send us like that sia..how could she...you know right, like you are responsible ma..if you busy or what at least let us know la..then we know you busy or what ma..then don't have to disturb you already what..
su: ya la..but maybe she really busy or what lei?
me: i know after flight ma busy what...but she's like on her way home, usually when someone replies her sms, she reply instant de what..i know la maybe she put her hp in her bag or what, cannot hear vibration..but at least like will check once in awhile ma....not like must 24hour check that kind..
su: ya lor, she usually reply so fast but now...
me: ya la, like she doesn't want to send us the document & make us all fail...you know like have some responsibility la...cuz' i received email from mr henry that he has already sent the document to daph already but till now she hasn't send us yet..( this was a misunderstanding cuz' after that daph did really explain that she didn't receive)
su: ya, i know..huh, mr henry send already ah?? then she should send ma...cannot be what..maybe she busy or what...
me: i know la..if i busy i also will like check ma cuz' important what..my responsibility high lor...
su: i try calling her again..if get through or she answer i ask her again..ok?
me: ok let me know again..bye

this was it lor...i know i shouldn't have said such things...i swear to god that i said such things cuz' mr henry said that he sent the email out already...plus i was like having problems at home...still rushing my assignment & all...sigh...i know i should've think twice before i say anything..but then, when i'm angry, that's me...that's my temper...even when my mum scolds me & when i'm not in a god damn good mood, i still say things which is out of pique...which i don't mean it...my family knows...my boyfriend too...& my family's afraid of me being like that...so sometimes when they know i'm going to start, they'll stop somehow...i'm sure my batch mates know me well...daph remembered clearly how i slammed that damn compartment...which Su asked why too...so why don't they just understand??

daph called me to clarify everything...i wanted to tell her all that i've written but then, i felt it was pointless for me to say anything cuz' she's just so mad...sigh...it's really all my fault..she told me not to blame Su for telling her...cuz' if not she won't know that i'm that sort of person...wth...she wants me to realise the mistakes i've made..this is the third time...
1st time pay thing, 2nd time aog thing & now this thing...all i can say was this really was a misunderstanding..but daph feels that this isn't...it's me who's selfish who has that kind of mindset...she said she don't mind losing this friendship till i realise this mistake of mine...i'm puzzled...of course to change for the better not because i change cuz' she ask me to change...i'm like...what la...i've knew that i shouldn't have said those hurtful words...i shouldn't have blurted it out to other people, i shouldn've kept all these to myself...but it's just that that was the time my volcano was about to erupt when Su called...

i know, all that she has done for me, she didn't expect any returns...she's still the caring girl who's there to motivate me, to move me on...where in the world can i find such a best friend who's like a sister to me?? a sister that tells me the truth, a sister that doesn't hide my weakness & flaws...she just tell me straight whether i like it or not...just because she doesn't want me to go to the wrong direction...but my darling girl, i really didn't mean it...i know, inside you, no matter how many chances you've given me, i don't cherish it...

let me tell you, you're wrong...i do cherish them...it's just that the more i'm trying to prevent it from happening, the more i'm doing it the opposite way..sigh..do you think it feels good inside?? i don't!!! you may not want this friendship anymore...but i'm still here hoping that there'll be a day where you will forgive me...until then, i think i shall not bother you cuz' i know you're still mad at me...maybe like what you said..wait till i've already changed..then that will be the day that you will talk to me...

did she know that when Su called, i just finished quarreling with my mum...sigh...nevermind, it's all my fault...put the blame on me then...no matter how hard i tried to explain i suppose she won't listen..it's ok..

the best part was when i smsed Su this
me: thanks ah...thanks so much that you told her..in future got anything, don't ask me if you can't get her...ok??
su: relax la...wat daph told u?

wth!!! ask me to relax when you told her already?? it's not meant for her to listen to intentionally...i just blurted it out, out of pique!!! that's all...sigh..i really don't know what Su has told daph...but she agree on things that i had said...

on wed, i was so amazed that she didn't say hello to me...nevermind daph not saying hi to me..i did say but it was a random 1...i sat at the table we used to sit just that i'm a seat away from her...when Su came, she sat next to me & daph...i can tell that she really knows how to act lor..sigh...nevermind...

i just hope that you'll talk to me one day...

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