i am so stupid myself...i ruined a wonderful future ahead...i did something i shouldn't have...that conversation i had with her....sigh...perhaps i really meant for him to hear it cuz' it's how i wanted to end it...i really don't know what i wanted...i screwed everything up...but what puzzled me was why did he flared up? he said i went to check on him....to tell you the truth, when i was at his place, i didn't even touched anything which i'm not supposed to...i didn't check your handphone & i didn't check your labtop...that time, your other msn account, i really saw it while you log in...i really happened to see it...plus, if i really had the time to look, then please, go check your history...the days i came over, go check it & see whether i've checked on you...that's evidence...i know, no mater how much i say, nobody believes me....in fact, i made everyone hate me...

perhaps his friends now, all feels that i'm just no different from ys's ex...so be it...

i just don't understand this fact...even though you knew a girl so be it, i'm not jealous...that time when i found out, i really wasn't jealous at all...last sun, when we went out, i knew it...like you went out with her...cuz' suddnely your mood started to change...you didn't even feel like talking to me...cuz' your day with her was really fun....seriously, i'm glad that you're really happy...you were not that happy while with me...of course, i would want you to be happy...i really am not jealous or have the kind of thinking that the girl was a bitch or anything...i am in no position you see...but then why? you said you're afraid that you'll hurt my feelings...seriously, i won't be...i have to be prepared what even though on the contray, you appear to show me affection & stuff...if it were me in the past, i will lor....but not now...we're all grown ups...like what i say, no matter what i say now can change the fact that everything is over...sigh...i am really a failure...even he tagged & said that...i am a stalker...sigh...

yesterday, i wasn't in the mood cuz' i was thinking real hard...what do you take me for?? here you are so nice & lovey, the next moment like that...that made me not in the mood yesterday...& that made me wanted to say out so loudly about the conversation...which led to what happened now...i wanted to kept quiet about it de...but then...sigh i really couldn't take it...cuz' i don't want to be treated like a spare one...when you get touchy & stuff...sigh...i felt i'm being used just for that...that led me to this disaster...but then again, can i blame anyone?? NO!! but me alone....i caused it & caused so many people to hate me...sigh...

whatever it is, perhaps i have learnt my lesson now...or should i say the god wanted this to happen that was why i did all these...wanted you to hate me & it all came true...

IT'S THE END!!!!

Labels: i am really foolish