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countdown: 9 more months
Twitter: Quotes: We might kiss when we are alone, when nobody's watching. We might take it home, we might make out when nobody's there. It's not that we're scared. It's just that it's delicate.
about yesterday's flight & my reflections
Saturday, November 22, 2008, 5:25:00 PM
had a good flight with aslinda, weina & jasmine (together with the nyp batch) tired but fun...got activated ma..haha...but then i was like so wacky on board...haha...was at the back with jasmine...she's very good compared to the other new crews i've worked with...nice girl, easy to get along with & does her work regularly, takes initiative but always has this problem of not reporting to CIC that she done this & that...lols...even aslinda noted lols...she said that, that was the best flight she ever had...she thought my name sounded like someone who's fierce & that i'm going to zap her...lols...but i really enjoyed the flight....sales was also good...was so lucky that i got activated haha...we hit a 1k man!!! hahah...just only a macau flight!!! hee....we almost had an AOG there...shit man...if not i can get to see how macau is like...haha...but i'm glad i'm home...at least i can accompany my mum....else, it's going to be tough on her as she really is as blind as a bat =)...

went home with weina...talked about her sister...& her...hee...but then, i really feel bad for making her cry....she cried cuz' she was touched of what her sister had done...not cuz' i bullied her ah...lols....she was so thankful that i shared with her those stuff...hmm...at least i can see them sisters being close once again =) hope cuz' of my words, her sister has someone to talk to...

weina, no matter what, be strong!!! everyone cares about you...bare this in mind that nobody dote you more than your sister =) smile & cheer up!!! in your sister's heart, you mean a lot to her...jiayou!!!! =D




some reflections
i've always thought that my parents doesn't care about me...especially my mum...but after today, i really know how much time i didn't spend with them....how i used to make her angry not doing the housework & how i argued with her....but today, i saw the fragile side of her....i can tell she was in pain when the anesthetics went off..she was tearing hard....she crossed her legs & shake them real hard...sigh...if i wasn't there with her...she's really helpless...now i knew how she must've felt that day i didn't accompanied her...sorry mum, i really was tired...but for today, i didn't want you to go there alone AGAIN...i want to let you know i was there when you need me....i really want to tell you that i love you a lot...just that i couldn't bring myself to say it so i'd rather say it here...no matter how hungry i was, i didn't dared to go down to get any food...i was afraid when you woke up suddenly, i'm not at your side...looking at you like that really aches my heart...that was why i never liked operations...i'm really so so afraid that you'll leave me one day just like that & making me have regrets...regrets of hatred, regrets of not having to spend time with you....i've always thought that DD's parents really treated me nice...so thoughtful of them when i'm sick & stuff...that's why i never ever liked coming home...my reason is just so simple...i don't feel loved by my family, instead i seek love from DD's family...what am i??? sometimes i admit i'm selfish...sigh...

i know, you didn't want me back home so late...don't blame DD...it's not his fault...it's my fault!!! i don't wish to be back...when i'm home, i always hear your voices of nagging...it irritates me...i just wished you would just ignore me or let me be...i'm 20 this year...i know what to do...besides, i'm not out with anybody...i'm out with DD..you don't have to worry...DD'll protect me...i'm sorry mum!!! so sorry!!


DD
i'm so sorry that sometimes i acted like that...perhaps what i seek was your attention since i couldn't get the attention at home..you have all the attention at home...always when i'm at your place, i saw how your dad cared for you..your mum would prepare dishes you love to eat once in awhile...me?? i've been having home packed food since the day i moved in...almost 99% eating packed food...nothing else...what i wanted was home cooked food...sigh...i feel bad to always go your house to have dinner with your parents...how would your parents think of me?? doesn't she have a home to eat? why is she always here to have food?? i feel guilty i feel bad...sometimes i just need LOVE!!! please forgive me...

sometimes i just cannot stand the way you treat me...like using those words on me...swearing at me...do you know how i feel inside??? i know i can be irritating at times...but when i wanted to call you like just now, i gave you the misunderstanding that i called to checked on you, afraid you chatting online with some other girls etc...but no, i wasn't!! i just wanted to ask you whether you want me to get dinner for you?? that's all...i think it's cuz' of the way i behave that led you to think that way...i can't blame you...i'm sorry...sigh...



can somebody, please guide me to the correct path...i'm almost breaking away...the fact that i'm bubbly was because i want to live my life happily...not with sadness, not with anger, not with hatred...just live life happily...it makes me wonder sometimes whether i'm lying to myself...i always told myself this

you live a day happy, you live a day sad, why not live a day happy instead of feeling so miserable?? it's still a day...


sigh...tell me what am i supposed to do??

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