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countdown: 9 more months
Twitter: Quotes: We might kiss when we are alone, when nobody's watching. We might take it home, we might make out when nobody's there. It's not that we're scared. It's just that it's delicate.
hospital
Sunday, December 7, 2008, 9:35:00 PM
i just came back from the hospital...visited my grandma...sigh...she's in bad shape...suddenly, i just felt that she looks so like my mom...can tell that mummy was sad la...she bought a flower & put it at the side of the bed...told grandma to look at it & touch it...so that she'll feel better...while on the way home, auntie karen was saying that the nurse told them grandma was at the third stage of don't know what cancer...sigh...at first the nurse told them that it was the first stage, now, it's like just a day later it has become the third stage...how is that possible? it's at tan tock seng hospital...grandma was at 11 floor i forgotten which ward but i know how to go there...sigh...why must this happen when i'm having a hard time myself....

the moment i saw her, i almost teared...i couldn't stand seeing my loved ones in bed (especially the hospital bed) sigh..she can only drink small packets of milk...she can't eat anything...sigh...

lives are really just so precious...i know, i do cherish everyone i have...including you...praying hard everyone around me will be safe & sound....you didn't come but it was alright...i didn't dared to break the news to an old granny here...sigh...i don't think i'll let my parents know...i'll let them find out by themselves...i mean it's meaningless to tell them la....sigh...

*prays for everything*

was happy la today...going to his place & telling him everything...how i felt & stuff...he was really nice...i won't forget what happened today....i just miss you so suddenly...

sigh..i don't know why but when daddy bought us dinner, i couldn't finish the packet of rice...i was forcing myself to finish it...sigh...what has happened to me...just what happened??? i didn't had anything all day except for just that small kueh daddy bought & milk in the morning...till just now...sigh..what has happened???

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my thanks to you..
Saturday, November 29, 2008, 3:44:00 PM
thanks for everything..

thanks for bringing me to places i've never been to...the very first time to fish & co (near park mall) was really something that i can remember vividly on my mind...it's still fresh...we both didn't know what to order...you called on to the waitress & explained that it was our first time, any recommendations...you ordered the seafood platter & me, fish & chips..the drinks we ordered was kinda weird...the green thingy with sprite...but it was nice..it's a huge cup...that was my very first time to a restaurant...i didn't know how to use the cutlery & i was looking at how you were using it...the total bill was a bomb at that age...about $59 if i don't remembered wrongly...the ambience was nice...too bad we were there in the noon..if it's at night, it would definitely be different..hmm..but it's alright...the fact that he's willing to splurge & bring me to places i've never eaten before...

then was ajisan (bugis) i didn't know what to order...but because i love spicy food, you asked me to order volcano...i did...it wasn't that spicy...i forgotten what you order but i know it's something not spicy...that's how i got to know ajisan...

last year, you wanted to just try out the hong kong kim gary outlet at vivo...you brought me there to try the food...the noodles was really nice...& the drinks were all in a jar...so cute & unique...the total bill was less than $25...food was nice too...

another was during valentine's day this year...you brought me to bosses' at vivo city...i remembered it was after my flight...you were worried that we didn't had enough time to order food...but we got there just nice...queued up cuz' there were just too many people...the dishes were ordered by you...i order one noodle which wasn't really nice...overall we felt that the food we ordered wasn't really to our liking...more to older folks...the total bill was a bomb...about close to $100 but not really nice...nice ambience though...

thanks for bringing me to east coast park a few years back...although nothing was done but just walking & enjoying the breeze of the wind & talking, i really enjoyed it...i remembered you wanted to rent the roller blades...i know how much you wanted to...but then, i didn't know how to blade..i've tried only once on my neighbour's blades...so you said it's ok..you'll teach me how to blade one day (hmm...i think you had forgotten about this...nevermind..) i was really looking forward...a few times i did mention to go to east coast, i thought you still remember that you wanted to teach me how to blade...but the reply back wasn't very pleasant...you go on saying how far it was..you don't mind going there if there's car...sigh...i was really heartbrokened...suddenly, you have changed...then the other time when lily suggested to go there for cycling, you just agreed willingly..we went there by bus...sigh...nevermind...

thanks for celebrating my 17th birthday with me...in fact, most of my birthdays, you're always there for me, organizing & celebrating...i rememberd you ordered my favourite cheese cake...i didn't get to try it...it was so sweet of you...planning, asking your aunt whether she can help book the place...although my parents wasn't there with me, my brother came...i was so happy that your friends, your family, some of my juniors & people who didn't even know me came...i still remembered when we were about to cut my cake, you gave me a kiss in front of everybody...i was so shocked & touched by what you did...it's you who made me feel that i was the most precious to you...thanks so much!!! it's all thanks to you that made my day the most memorable...seriously, that was the best birthday i ever had...the rest of my birthdays, it wasn't really good as that one...i wonder what my 20th birthday will be like...perhaps, 17 was my first birthday you ever celebrated with me...that was why...

thanks for bringing me over to meet your waigong, your other family members & your little cute nieces...kaiting & kaili...i really miss them so much..sigh...

thanks for asking me over for dinner with your parents...you know i hadn't had any home cooked meal for a very long time...

thanks for troubling sean to ask him to fetch me back from night flights that i got back...

thanks for renting the car that day & sending me to work when you didn't had a wink together with sean...

thanks for sending me home with your skate scooter...although it was really short...you took it out to play...really funny when you landed with a bump on your butt...becareful...

thanks for all the piglets you've given me...

thanks for the plushies that you caught for me at the arcades...

thanks for the omelette that you made when we travelled to marina south & had buffet at zhen fa huo hai xian..you were really creative...

thanks for the time when i fainted & you piggybacked me all the way from raffles city giordano all the way down to the taxi stand with kenneth with everyone looking..it was like somewhat of filming a show..i really felt so touched...thanks for accompanying me all the way till i see the doctor...i think that was the first & the last time you ever piggybacked me...i really missed it...i won't forget how your heart beats when i was lying on your back...it was so fast..you were afraid something happened to me...you just want to bring me to any clinic that opens...

thanks for accompanying me to take mc while i was at giordano & didn't want to go to work...

thanks for the very first time when you came over to my place, tugged me to sleep...cover me well with my blanked, asked my brother for a towel to put on my head, cleared my room & accompanied me till i slept before you left....you were really sweet...you made sure i had my medicine & made me drank lotsa water then tuck me into bed...you were really sweet...that was the first & last time you ever did that to me...i really missed it so much!!

thanks for teaching me some maths when i didn't know how to do it...

thanks for accompanying me whenever i need your care & concern...

thanks for listening to me nag about work, about friends, about my family...

thanks for treating me to food when i'm almost broke...

thanks for coming all the way down to the airport when you're free just to pick me up from work...you took a train down...i really know how far it was...thanks...

thanks for lending me your shoulder when i need a cry badly...

thanks for having bolster fights with me...haha...

thanks for walking me home every night & to the lift & kissing me on my forehead & lips before going home...this is the first time a guy ever did that to me...you're really sweet =)

thanks for showing care & concern when i'm sick..

thanks for putting up with my nonsense..

thanks for putting up with the cute side of me....

thanks for asking me along when sean wanted to go for supper...i didn't know what it was like when we were having supper at night, outside to many different places...we had many roundings too...i was so glad...that was nightlife...

thanks for helping me to go down to suntec to buy my labtop when i couldn't buy it as i was working...thanks also for helping me to install everything...

thanks for letting me know more about cars...making me in love with them too...

thanks for letting me know more about gadgets..making me buy every single gadget...the psp, psp slim & ds lite...

thanks for taking the initiative to download any new games you see online for me...

thanks for helping me get a job in giordano...

thanks for letting me know your friends & brothers...

thanks for bringing me to see the fireworks sometime this year...

thanks for bringing me to sentosa to have fun...the day was spoilt when we wanted to go tanning...ended up you wanted to try the mini go cart...we had to sit on the chairs to go all the way up & we could see the whole of sentosa...you really were scared though...we had 5 times on the rides as my friend was working there...we went up 5 times & had 5 times with the cart...it was really fun...

thanks for introducing aloe vera milkshake to me when we were going to tan with weiwen, michelle, your sister & your cousin...then we went to kbox & had fun...it was weiwen's birthday...

thanks for allowing me to stay at your place some other days cuz' i didn't want to go home...

thanks for sneaking in my house just to accompany me at night when my parents were at home...

thanks for helping me to sell my handphone...

thanks for introducing monster hunter to me & the times we went to ton at weiwen's place for the game...

thanks for accompanying my brother & asking weiwen over when monster hunter was first introduced...

thanks for accompanying me to buy the first white psp for my brother's birthday...

thanks for cheering me up when i'm so stressed or down be it my studies or work...

thanks for promising to help cheer me up when i'm thinking of failure for my bond & studies..

thanks for thinking of me, missing me & loving me...thanks for doting on me when i needed love the most...

last but not the least, thanks for everything that you've done ONLY FOR ME...

I LOVE YOU!!

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about yesterday's flight & my reflections
Saturday, November 22, 2008, 5:25:00 PM
had a good flight with aslinda, weina & jasmine (together with the nyp batch) tired but fun...got activated ma..haha...but then i was like so wacky on board...haha...was at the back with jasmine...she's very good compared to the other new crews i've worked with...nice girl, easy to get along with & does her work regularly, takes initiative but always has this problem of not reporting to CIC that she done this & that...lols...even aslinda noted lols...she said that, that was the best flight she ever had...she thought my name sounded like someone who's fierce & that i'm going to zap her...lols...but i really enjoyed the flight....sales was also good...was so lucky that i got activated haha...we hit a 1k man!!! hahah...just only a macau flight!!! hee....we almost had an AOG there...shit man...if not i can get to see how macau is like...haha...but i'm glad i'm home...at least i can accompany my mum....else, it's going to be tough on her as she really is as blind as a bat =)...

went home with weina...talked about her sister...& her...hee...but then, i really feel bad for making her cry....she cried cuz' she was touched of what her sister had done...not cuz' i bullied her ah...lols....she was so thankful that i shared with her those stuff...hmm...at least i can see them sisters being close once again =) hope cuz' of my words, her sister has someone to talk to...

weina, no matter what, be strong!!! everyone cares about you...bare this in mind that nobody dote you more than your sister =) smile & cheer up!!! in your sister's heart, you mean a lot to her...jiayou!!!! =D




some reflections
i've always thought that my parents doesn't care about me...especially my mum...but after today, i really know how much time i didn't spend with them....how i used to make her angry not doing the housework & how i argued with her....but today, i saw the fragile side of her....i can tell she was in pain when the anesthetics went off..she was tearing hard....she crossed her legs & shake them real hard...sigh...if i wasn't there with her...she's really helpless...now i knew how she must've felt that day i didn't accompanied her...sorry mum, i really was tired...but for today, i didn't want you to go there alone AGAIN...i want to let you know i was there when you need me....i really want to tell you that i love you a lot...just that i couldn't bring myself to say it so i'd rather say it here...no matter how hungry i was, i didn't dared to go down to get any food...i was afraid when you woke up suddenly, i'm not at your side...looking at you like that really aches my heart...that was why i never liked operations...i'm really so so afraid that you'll leave me one day just like that & making me have regrets...regrets of hatred, regrets of not having to spend time with you....i've always thought that DD's parents really treated me nice...so thoughtful of them when i'm sick & stuff...that's why i never ever liked coming home...my reason is just so simple...i don't feel loved by my family, instead i seek love from DD's family...what am i??? sometimes i admit i'm selfish...sigh...

i know, you didn't want me back home so late...don't blame DD...it's not his fault...it's my fault!!! i don't wish to be back...when i'm home, i always hear your voices of nagging...it irritates me...i just wished you would just ignore me or let me be...i'm 20 this year...i know what to do...besides, i'm not out with anybody...i'm out with DD..you don't have to worry...DD'll protect me...i'm sorry mum!!! so sorry!!


DD
i'm so sorry that sometimes i acted like that...perhaps what i seek was your attention since i couldn't get the attention at home..you have all the attention at home...always when i'm at your place, i saw how your dad cared for you..your mum would prepare dishes you love to eat once in awhile...me?? i've been having home packed food since the day i moved in...almost 99% eating packed food...nothing else...what i wanted was home cooked food...sigh...i feel bad to always go your house to have dinner with your parents...how would your parents think of me?? doesn't she have a home to eat? why is she always here to have food?? i feel guilty i feel bad...sometimes i just need LOVE!!! please forgive me...

sometimes i just cannot stand the way you treat me...like using those words on me...swearing at me...do you know how i feel inside??? i know i can be irritating at times...but when i wanted to call you like just now, i gave you the misunderstanding that i called to checked on you, afraid you chatting online with some other girls etc...but no, i wasn't!! i just wanted to ask you whether you want me to get dinner for you?? that's all...i think it's cuz' of the way i behave that led you to think that way...i can't blame you...i'm sorry...sigh...



can somebody, please guide me to the correct path...i'm almost breaking away...the fact that i'm bubbly was because i want to live my life happily...not with sadness, not with anger, not with hatred...just live life happily...it makes me wonder sometimes whether i'm lying to myself...i always told myself this

you live a day happy, you live a day sad, why not live a day happy instead of feeling so miserable?? it's still a day...


sigh...tell me what am i supposed to do??

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argh...
Wednesday, July 2, 2008, 8:53:00 PM

i'm just so fed up with the pay system...they were telling us that we were going to be paid by hour...& now they're reverting back to the sector pay...wtf?!?!?!? & the best part was, they said we were paid by tiger...i thought all along sass is paying us & not tiger...really wth lor...sian...i don't know why but when i calculated my pay, it was in a total mess...argh...nevermind...

went to school, despite waking up late, wasting time & all, i was still early...hee..so happy...just hope that i'll AOG in bangkok tomorrow...hee...i really prayed hard man!!! haha...then fri, my sby will be a rest day ler..hee...no flights for me & i can meet DD!! hee...just now went to erabelle to do my eye brows...nice la...i didn't know why i went to extend my package...so i spent like another 300 plus for it...but it's ok...i got the chance for a lucky dip...just hope that fri they won't call me up...at least i can go to plaza singapura to have that lucky dip..haha...i hope to win cash or a mac book air..but then again, when you won something, it's better than nothing right so, i can't ask for much...hmm...just hope tomorrow i have a safe flight especially now that our aircraft has been down...due to the engines etc...i'm thankful sometimes that i get to live...that's why i always have this in mind...live life like there's no tomorrow...hmm...will be watching my show le...haha...the 9pm show le..haha...pray hard that i won't get called up on friday...just hope that there won't be anything that crops up tomorrow if not, i'm 100% sure that i WILL get called up...which is shit for me...cuz' the next day i'm doing 952...argh...yay!! i'm going to rebond my hair soon haha...

p.s had a chat with DD...i don't know whether i'm thinking too much or...cuz' nowadays when DD's tired, he will tell me that he's tired & doesn't want to chat anymore...sigh...the very last time when he first booked in, he wasn't like that...no matter how tired, he still chatted with me...sigh..don't know what's wrong or am i thinking too much..perhaps i'm thinking too much ba...sigh...cheer up girl!!!

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Sunday, June 29, 2008, 5:30:00 PM

finally i got my day off man!!! whew...it's been a tiring day for me...

on friday, DD booked out...after my 986 i went to meet him at lot1..since i was there so early, i went to shop around at watsons...got some stuff which amounted to a total of 23 plus dollars...not too bad...then after that i met him outside mac...he was carrying his heavy bag...haha..then he needs to get his belt punched...as in punched with holes...if not he's going to get an earful...soon after that, we took 67 to his house...rested awhile, ate the bee hoon that his mum cooked...was a little serving though..i was damn hungry but it didn't matter...went home after the 9pm show...reached home about 1030..updated my fdp then went to sleep ler..

i had to do 714 the next day...i need rest...woke up slightly later...but still the same...i'm just tired...DD said he's meeting lily, fiona & yong yong after sending me to work...it was nice of him to send me there...we were early..so i went to cold storage to get my groceries for the flight later...once done, we parted our ways...DD went to causeway to repair his hp..he took 858 all the way..i supposed he can sleep throughout the journey there...i went for flight...we were back 10mins early...since i told daddy to fetch me at 12am..then i wait lor...cuz' i didn't know whether we'll be delayed or not...when i was outside waiting for daddy, DD called..i asked him where he was, he said he was on his way going home...i said ok..i'm waiting for daddy to pick me up then go to his house for the vodka that i wanted to drink since last week...when i reached home, bathe & quickly got ready to leave..while on the way, DD called...he asked me where i was, i said nearing his block...he mentioned, everyone's waiting for you lei...like my fault like that...i've already told him in the sms just now not to wait for me & have the drink first as i might be quite late...he didn't want to listen, wanted to wait for me, MY FAULT AH?!?!!? then i told him la, you guys can drink first what, don't have to wait...then he said everyone's so tired le lor...then now so late le...i told him it's ok what, you guys can start drinking first de ma...or not you can tell me another day lor..he said but then you insisted what...i said you can always reject me de ma..he said you insisted it since last week...i'm so pissed la..HE'S tired only la, THEY tired only la....WHAT TIME I WOKE UP?? HOW MANY HOURS OF FLIGHT I DONE?? DADDY LATE MY FAULT ALSO LA?!!?!? what the hell man!! can't he be like more understanding!!! so when i reached, i wasn't really happy...my mood has been spoit by him ler lor...but then, i felt so welcomed by alvin...he didn't mind waiting lor...unlike DD!!! ah yong was using the com...i know he's tired but then he didn't make any noise..it was the first time i saw him botak lols...

we started drinking le...alvin really drank so much...i drank 2 cups only...DD la...the second one, he poured more vodka than sprite...argh!!! i was begining to feel tipsy liao...after that cup, i wanted to try how raspberry vodka tasted like...so i asked DD to pour lor...only a quarter la...then i just drink a little then pass to DD..he helped me..he didn't drink much until alvin started to get emo...then he offered to share the drink with him....it's the first time i saw alvin behaving like that...he's not the alvin i once knew...but after that he was fine...after vomitting & letting it all out...

after that, we decided to let alvin ton over at DD's place...with his condition like that, it's better for him to go home the next day..DD send me home...he was walking so quickly man..the feeling that he's giving me was like...quickly send her home..walk faster so that she'll walk faster..he didn't spoke a single word...i asked him why..he said he was tired...ok fine...HE'S TIRED AYE!!! let me tell you!!! I'M TIRED TOO LOR!!! fuck man!!! no hugs, no kisses...what is this...he just stood in the lift when i walked out of the lift...what the hell...don't know what's wrong with him...if he's tired, he could've just stayed at home & rest more..don't have to send me to work...i did tell him...he could've just told me when he was going home that he's tired & we can have that vodka another day...well, after perth, i was tired too ok!!!!! what sia...you think the whole world, you're the one & only one that's tired??? sigh...can't you be more understanding a little?? i'm tired but yet i still want to meet you..it's the thought & effort that counts!!! why can't you just be that sensitive...just cuz' you're tired, it gives you the permission to vent your anger how you like...let me tell you, I'M NOT SOMEONE WHOM YOU CAN VENT YOUR ANGER ON!!! just to let you know, he wasn't like this when we were all talking...when they were talking about his NS training..we were all chatting happily lor...argh...why draw your lines so clear...why didn't you vent your anger on them??? argh!! it's so unfair!!!

i really can understand how he felt...it's like how i felt when DD wasn't there for me the last time...all he cares was about his friends & that he made the excuse saying that there wasn't time left for his friends as he's going NS soon & that for me, we can always meet...that kind of hurt, that kind of feeling...i understood...what i can say is

ALVIN, BE STRONG...THERE'S LOTS OF GIRLS OUT THERE...I'M VERY SURE THAT YOU CAN FIND A BETTER GIRL...DON'T BE SO SAD!! IT'S HER LOST THAT SHE DIDN'T HAVE YOU...& ABOUT THAT GUY, HE'S JUST A JERK...I DON'T THINK THAT HE'S SUCH AN UNDERSTANDING BOYFRIEND...IF HE WAS, LETTING HIS GIRLFRIEND SAYING HI TO YOU, HE WOULDN'T BE JEALOUS...IT'S JUST A HI!! CHEER UP ALVIN!!!

i'm watching don't mess with the zohan online now...was figuring out the stupid hack for my psp just now...DD didn't help much...i just don't understand why he got so agitated for??!?!? after sending me his hack, he got so angry saying, you think so easy ah, must copy this & that...he asked me to try it out only then i know...after trying it out, i was just merely following instructions & IT WAS DAMN EASY LOR!!! not difficult at all..it's just that i couldn't understand why in that cheat menu, it was all blank...what i want was to play patapon with the cheat cuz' i just can't get past that stage that i'm stuck with...i just want DD to help me...that difficult meh?? i missed him so much...i just don't want to get love sick that's why i've been playing lots of games to try & make myself occupied with stuff so that i can pass each day quickly...& for all i know, friday's here...that's the reason why...once i'm hooked on the game, i will be HOOKED ON...so can't you understand me DD?!?!?!?! argh...don't know why you got so pissed!!!

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self declare off
Saturday, May 24, 2008, 3:41:00 PM
just so tired man..got called up for sby yesterday...did 952..came back this morning...damn tired..i really can't stand liao..reported sick...when on flight yesterday, too giddy, push cart also got problem...sigh....when i got back just reported sick for 638 la..siao 1..sats say that i can still do 638 today..i can't...too much pain le...

too many things happened too..i really am at a loss to what to do man...sigh..first is my sistas la..sigh..just hope they're fine...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

darlings, you guys are going to be fine...no matter what i'll support you alright!! just like how you supported me the other time =)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


then the big quarrel i had with D...sigh...i know, people might say i'm, in the wrong..yea, i did apologised for my mistakes...why can't he just accept it & forget it..i'm like...speechless when i knew i was saying something which wasn't supposed to be said...sigh...i just don't know what i'm doing then...maybe it's been so long since we quarrelled & i'm itching for one...

what the fuck is my problem??


i don't know too...too many things on my mind...i'm just so worried for my sistas...really...this is like the ever first time i've been so worried for my sistas man...like i said before, i don't have much friends..i do have many friends but friends as in the kind that go through thick & thin with me together....i've lots of "hi" "bye" friends...but true friends, nah..only after the day that my sistas helped me got over that incident...i mean as a close friend, if something happened to your close friend, are you going to sit there & do nothing about it? no right?? that's why..they helped me before...i can't sit around & do nothing...

so during that time things had happened, i was in sean's car...waiting for D...at that time i ended school..i didn't know where to go as D was with sean & sista was at wild wild wet..she's having fun what, can't answer her phone de ma..so i called D..he said to meet him at eunos..i'm fine la...then i was like waiting for so damn long but it's ok, sista no 2 was on the line with me..at least i'm occupied with something & time pass fast...when i smsed D to ask him where he was, he said he will reach there at 615 when the time was like 535..wtf..if i had known, i wouldn't have met him there...waste my time...i'd rather meet him at his place...plans were like this...meet him, go his place, have dinner...i wasn't hungry when i called him to let him know that i've reached...but the waiting made me got so hungry you see...when i'm idling, i'll get hungry...that's me..so after that he came...i was on the line with sista...she told me that she's gonna lose her job...i told her not to worry...then after that, D somewhat made fun of my conversation with her...i remembered clearly that i heard what he had said...he said that i was a busybody...that was why i threw my bag at him...was so damn pissed..after the we hung up, i'm already so pissed by what that idiot had done to my sista...i got so mad that i shouted at him..yea, i admited that i sweared vulgarities at him but that was not meant as an insult to him..i sweared that just for the sake of swearing & not meaning anything...he took it serious...i scolded him about him calling me a busybody...& i just blabbered lots to him..that was because i'm damn angry..when i'm angry, i don't even know what i'm saying...when sean drove us to my place, i got down & hailed the cab..sista asked me to..i wanted to take train cuz' i'm damn broke...sista said she will pay the cab (ended up she never la..i also ps what ask from her) somewhat quarrel cuz' of her...went to wild wild wet find her...told her what happened...they saw me so mad...face really black like charcoal..i told them when i'm angry i'm like that...i wanted to bash up a person lor....they told me to relax..after that met up with ash, amelia (ash's gf) & ruikun then go pasta eat..i really siao when i was there...cuz' that's me when i'm down...sigh...i'm just like somewhat distracting myself...i don't want people to see my anger let alone my tears...sigh...after that, i guessed i had too much tobasco that my stomach turned on me...when i was about to reach home, it got so bad that i couldn't even stand...called D, he off his phone...got grace to help me..was crying like mad...it's too painful..i smsed him...he on his phone after that..didn't replied...i got this torture for like an hour before D came...he helped me up...when i crouched it was better but when i stood up, it got worse...sigh...i supposed it was due to gastric juices & tobasco that me feel like i'm in hell...


to D
i'm so sorry that i sweared at you..i didn't mean it...it wasn't meant for you...i sweared for the sake of swearing...been feeling down lately D...i'm so sorry...sigh...i don't know what's wrong with me...i do hope that things will change for the better...sorry D...i didn't mean it..i'm so sorry..i love you!!!


more pictures coming up soon...wait for the next post..

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Sunday, April 27, 2008, 6:04:00 PM
it's such a boring day today...had nothing to do...came back this morning...went out with D, sean & grace for supper...we went to downtown east to take a stroll...then we went into exploring the new cathay that has been opened..decided that there's nothing to watch so we went to t3....on the way back to the car..don't know what's happening to D..i know it's cuz' of his pay that his mood is being...but then, don't bring your anger or mood there la...i mean, grace & sean just got together then you need to spoil the atmosphere meh?? nevermind...i left him alone..didn't know what in the world happened cuz' he just began to turn a cold shoulder on me..we drifted apart when walking...it's like so weird la...is there anybf who would not care about their gfs when walking...i don't mean as in those loving kind but then, holding of hands, just be right beside them, so difficult meh?? sigh...i just don't understand what's so difficult...

i mentioned about them so loving la...also very cute being together which kind of reminded how we got together...knew what he said?? he somewhat yawn...& like can't be bothered...i was hurt deeply lor...

YOU MEAN YOU DON'T EVEN TREASURE THE TIMES WHEN WE JUST GOT TOGETHER?? WTF?!?!?! THEN WHAT'S THE POINT OF US CONTINUING THIS RELATIONSHIP??? ARGH!!!

i was also tired....already so tired & he said such things...wanted to enjoy the time together & this is how he treated me...i just SO don't understand him...BE LOVING A LITTLE HURTS SO MUCH IS IT?? just show more care & concern cannot is it?? then tell me, ARE YOU ACTUALLY MY BOYFRIEND???

to me, i think i acted more like a bf than a gf...always there to care for him...his problems, his everything but ended up getting scolded for no fucking reason...i even went down to look for him after my flight...didn't want to have dinner first as i'm afraid of letting him wait...all i wanted was to have supper & maybe he can tell me what happened during his work or something...but i got rejected straight away..like he telling me that he didn't ask me to wait...it was ME who was the one being so willingly to go all the way there to look for him when he didn't even wanted...of course i don't want to call him & let him know cuz' if i'd let you know, would you even want me to come down to look for you???

you said about going to NS soon...said that we'll even have lesser time to meet..even said that we'll miss each other even more...THEN WHY?? WHY DO YOU NOT TRY TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH ME...all you can think of is to go to your place...what i can do is to see you sleep...wtf??? yea, you may tell me that i can go ahead doing my stuff...but you know the reason why i don't want to be at home right?? then why force me to do things that i don't want to do?? sigh...i won't forget how you tried means & ways to woo me...when you've gotten me, you promised that you'll be loving & cherish me.....YOU PROMISED!! i kept that sms you've sent me...but did you?? it's all empty promises that you're making!!! always been the case..sigh...

tell me now...what should i do?? can someone please enlighten me??

i felt so touched when sean said this...this was what happened when i was on the phone with grace just now...

grace was waiting for sean to end work..then when sean ended, grace asked him whether he could send me songs cuz' apparently, yesterday when we were in his car, he got a hell lot of songs which were all so pleasant to my ears...i just love it...that's why i wanted it...
she passed the phone to sean...i was telling him la..then after that i said, okay la don't disturb you already...grace so good came down to wait for you end work leiz...sean said yea, she so sweet hor...i was like...even he said that lor...sigh..then my D leiz??? haiz...nevermind la...hopefully my D will understand one day....

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