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countdown: 9 more months
Twitter: Quotes: We might kiss when we are alone, when nobody's watching. We might take it home, we might make out when nobody's there. It's not that we're scared. It's just that it's delicate.
new skin
Wednesday, July 30, 2008, 11:14:00 PM
finally, a new skin for my blog...been wanting to do something so cute & sweet & pink but then i couldn't..this calls for a celebration!!! *claps* the birth of the new blog...my old skin which my darling sam did it for me was a little plain...hee...i didn't want to trouble her for another new skin cuz' she did my previous one...felt so bad if i were to trouble her again...this time round, i got my LOVELY brother to do it!!!

LOVE HIM TO BITS MAN!!!

before



was so happy when i saw him doing his blog...then i was curious ma...asked him whether he knows about the edits on the blog..he says he know...he helped me find this design...i just thought that it's so cute...he helped me do every single thing...once he got home from school, we spent the whole afternoon doing this man!!! i so love him!!! hee...luckily he didn't have homework...if not i'll be in trouble man!!! haha...it's so sweet of him to do it!!! thank you!!!

just feeling emotional just now when i was on the phone with DD...sigh..about my friends & stuff...cried out la...couldn't take it...it was so sweet of him to chat with me even though he was tired...i knew that he had things to do but cuz' he wanted to be there for me, he said he didn't mind just to accompany me when i'm done...so sweet of him...hee...muackz!!! love him to bits too!!! he said he'll wait for me till i'm back on sat morning...friday i'll be doing 148/108 ma...then most likely 12am (which is the next morning liao) then come back...sian...just hope that it won't get delayed...know why i said that?? the air space will be crowded due to ndp preview & stuff...sigh...plus on sat, i'm on sby...doing darwin again on sun...like what lor...giving me the wrong flights at the wrong time man...just so sickening...argh!!! how i wished i'm doing darwin tomorrow, then U/A, off, off...perfect man...i got my weekends off...argh...shitty la..don't know why like that..sigh...i've never swab flights before...don't know how to but more or less i know a little la...but then, who's willing to swab their weekends off for me man??? argh...just feeling so pissed...i really need DD!! he's my only air to breathe...

well, when i woke up in the afternoon..(actually woke up in the morning at 10 when my alarm went off...) saw DD's sms...cuz' the night before i was feeling emotional...so i sent him an sms regarding friends...& he replied at 10 plus...guess that was the time he on his phone ba...hmm...after that, jeff called (which i didn't answer, sleeping ma) followed by mummy & my 3rd aunt (my home phone) i just don't feel like answering the calls even though it's within reach..haha...just feeling so lazy & tired...after which i chatted with jeff when i woke up..he called me..then we chatted about lots...about 2, his cell died on him so i went to get lunch...was very famished at that time already...hadn't had anything since i woke up..my brother was already back...i didn't know (that was the best part)...he was back right after i bought my lunch..when i finished my lunch, i wanted to make coffee so went to my room to get my nescafe...then i heard clicking on the mouse...thought there was somebody who broke into my house as i didn't lock the door when i was out but i did lock the main gate...so when i turned to see, i saw my brother sitting there...scare me man...since i was making coffee, i asked him whether he wants some..he said fine...after that i went to call jeff...chatted till my phone died haha...jeff asked me to give him a wake up call at 5 i said alright...then went to ask my brother about the blog stuff..hee...that's how it started...it was around 445pm liao...haha...then suddenly at 515pm i remembered i had to call jeff...call lor...he wasn't late..then he go get ready to go for his seminar lols...he said it was damn bored la..haha..he was the photographer of the day...then i continued doing my blog thingy with my brother..haha...he's so nice la...hee...i also remembered that i have to cook dinner...it was porridge haha...so smsed daddy...he said ok, he's going to buy the other ingredients for the porridge..good also..porridge was good...healthy ma...cuz' always eat packed food also sian...thought someone would wash the dishes up but nobody lor...ended up washing every single bit man!! argh!!

after dinner still continue to do my blog...finally till now i can write a post man!! hee..nice leiz...all thanks to my lovely brother!!! he's really good at all these whereas i'm just a noob...a computer freak lols..

that's how my day ended...good day everyone....

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boring day
Tuesday, July 29, 2008, 10:55:00 PM
sigh, it's another boring day for me...sometimes, i do feel pathetic...about myself...i just don't know why...maybe i'll tell you about what i think & you guys think about it...

today i was supposed to meet dina at 2pm at jurong to buy her bikini...but then pay has not arrived yet...so she said she can't go or rather, she don't want to go...i expected it...but then, i still refuse to believe for i knew that tomorrow, tanning is still on...but then, after what i received from her, she didn't want to go...sigh...EXPECTED...nevermind...i had the whole day to myself this afternoon....came back from darwin at about 530am..was kinda hungry & was afraid that my gastric would act up...i went to finish my cookie crisp plus milk for breakfast...was full & went to sleep...woke up at 12 & dina's message came...blah blah blah...sigh...

i spend the whole day doing nothing but watching this japanese show, 14 sai no haha (which means 14 yr old girl going through pregnancy) it's a meaningful show although i'm only at episode 5...i did nothing..was feeling lazy too...it's always like that...whenever i'm back from a night flight & i have U/A, that whole day will be wasted just like that...cuz' i'm somewhat giving myself rest & just don't want to do anything...before that i chatted with sam over the phone & on msn...she also not free tomorrow...sigh...hidayah also not free..she's doing 638 sigh...damn!! after watching the show, i just wanted to rest...while resting (which means doing nothing) i was pondering about myself on how pathetic i was...first, daphne's incident....sigh...as a best friend, a batch mate, a good sister, i had to sour this relationship all thanks to me!! till now, i doubt she wants to talk to me...i wonder when will be the day she will...i'll just leave her alone & let it be...sigh...true friends are really hard to come by these days...best friends i do have are only sam, zer, hidayah, su boey, jeff & my bf!! sigh...the rest, nah...daph was once my true friend...a pity due to myself...sigh...everytime i want to ask someone to go tanning, go shopping, none's there...only for exceptional cases where my besties happened to have off on the same day with me, they will go out...but then, sigh...moreover, this month's roster sucks big time!!! i don't even have at least a day off on a weekend...you know, i desperately am searching for one as that's the only days i get to meet my bf...but this time round, not even a single off day on a weekend...argh...this week, fri, i'm doing 148/108 , sat sby, sun 702...what the hell la!!! keep giving me 702..can they like change it for god's sake!!! i'd rather be doing perth man!! sigh...

i just wished that i hadn't join this company!!! especially sass!!! never in my life i want to have anything to do with them once i'm out...melissa, hang on, you'll going to make it!! just another 1 1/2yrs more!! jiayou!!!

sigh...i have lesser time with my bf...if i were still in my old company, gio...i could've requested to do M shift all the way for weekends...i don't mind...sigh..but here...how to ??? life just sucks being here...pay also not in yet...damn!!! even going for a massage i'm also so lazy...sigh...i just don't know what the hell i want!!! DD!!! i need you!!! can you hear me??

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hee
Sunday, July 27, 2008, 11:48:00 PM
i didn't know by quarreling, it brings us back together...hee...DD, you're right, maybe i should change my attitude towards you... i didn't realise that i had overdone it by caring so much for you...i'm so glad that everything turned out fine =)

of course, we still quarreled..after that, on msn, DD explained to me..then i realised, that me bein worried actually caused this whole incident to be a misunderstanding...which led to serious quarreling...hmm...cuz' i called DD countless times...he didn't answer it on purpose...sigh...

after he explained it, i've straightened out my thoughts..i should just care at the right time & not to overdo it...DD asked me to meet him for durians just now...went to meet him after i've finished doing all the chores...he bought the durians already...which was fast...i went to withdraw money ma...saw him with that big bag le...haha..went to his house...saw him eating & smiling really made me happy...hee..after that, we had a good talk hee =) i didn't realise that sometimes we really care a lot for each other...for me, i'm overdoing it...for him, he showed it in a wrong way hee...after that went to have shower =) at his place la then he played comand & conquer while i played ds...the baby game..which was stupid..haha..i can't seem to talk to it...after awhile, i got bored..listen to songs then i think i couldn't take it so i fell asleep hee...before we realise, it was too late haha...it was 715 ler..i need to buy dinner for my family...went down quite late...so ended up queuing for some time lor...finally at 749pm the food was ready...but DD missed his bus...it was 750 when the bus left...luckily he wasn't late...he said he had plenty of time when i smsed him...just that he's worried that i would get an earful when i'm back...luckily my parents didn't say much...i got home just in time haha..they were hungry though..hee..i wasn't ma...nevermind lor...god really treats me good...i did prayed first thing i woke up not to let them activate me...they did call but i didn't answer...when i called back, this guy very nice to me...he mentioned something like wa, melissa, i was going to write a report soon already lei...you always give the same excuse when you never answer the call...i said, but i really was in the bathroom what...moreover, it's like so long liao...haha..i thanked him..he said i still remained as sby..he's nice la...so happy...he said later he call i must answer i say confirm will de...but lucky there were no calls...god really save me...god knows that i want to settle the dispute with DD... god really loves me =)

felt so blissful =)

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, 2:11:00 PM
the pictures on zerlina's birthday & bringing my brother out to celebrate his birthday




















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it's sad
, 12:20:00 PM
just don't understand where i've gone wrong...sigh..i know i was to much calling him so many times & he has already told me that he's out with alvin, yongsiang & amos to pub..but the problem is i was worried for him...i know his liquor is good won't get drunk easily but i'm just worried...(bu fang xin) sigh...i kept calling him till he answered his call...i know any guy or should i say everyone could not take it & might find this irritating...but someone, anyone, please tell me whether i've done any wrong...

before that about 1230am, i did smsed him to ask if he's going back soon, he said he's still there & might not be going home that early...(at least he replied & i didn't bother him till about 2am..it was kinda late already)
when he finally answered the call (i supposed there were like 80 over missed calls or slightly less), i asked him why he took so long to answer..he said alvin was vomiting...he went to accompany him...i still asked whether he's fine...DD said he's fine...i told him when he's back miss call me or sms me..he said ok & quickly hang up the call...he sound ok at time but i knew he was pissed...after we hung up, he smsed me saying this

DD: i feel so stress talking to you..(it did hurt me at that point of time)
me: y? i'm reali worried, not checking on u or anytink
DD: u're just so irritating la...totally spoil my mood lor..here i am happily drinking with them & you keep calling..
me: like i said i was just being worried..
DD: worried for what?? i oreadi 21 yrs old..u crazy ah?

sigh...& it started...know what, i was getting paranoid at first to why he wasn't answering my calls...it's just...sigh...i just can't take it la...soemtimes i'm just mad with this old problem i'm having...but then, on second thoughts, had DD wanted to know other girls, he would have already done so...so i trust that he wouldn't do these type of stuff...but the main thing that i called him countless times was because i'm just worried...i'm plain worried & nothing else...i'm SERIOUS!!! can you believe me?? he just feels that i'm some irritating person that wants to check on him making some excuses that i'm worried...but let me tell i'm not...

he said lots of hurtful things that i don't wish to mention here...about my family, about me...

sigh, DD, do you know something...i just realised this not long ago...i don't know why but i've always got the urge to buy things for you whenever i'm out...it just comes so naturally..knowing that i'm broke, i'll still buy it for you no matter what..of course i don't buy things that you detest..i don't expect any returns from buying you things...all i wanted was to see you smile each time you received somehting from me...i'm contented just to see that...last night, many thoughts were running through my mind....although i've not been able to forgive you for saying such things that hurts deep down inside that fragile little heart but i take it as you're saying things out of pique...

when you mentioned about not wanting to go corrine's birthday party, i knew it long ago...you did mentioned before..but i thought that was meant to be a casual remark or something...you said you wanted to accompany your mum & you feel bad for leaving her alone as you can tell that she wants to go out with you but just that you spend your time with me...& you did mention last sat that you'll be going out with her...asking me whether i would want to tag along...you're asking the obvious though...lols...but DD, i did tell you that if you want, then just go ahead lor, after shopping for my brother's birthday present, you go off lor...but you told me it's ok...after going to corrine's chalet then you go find your mum...you actually messed up my hair & made me smile knowing how much i wanted you to be there...ended up, we stayed quite late so you didn't meet your mum but actually meet her at home...i feel bad already for asking you to spend on my brother's present but you said it's alright...being at my corrine's chalet, with my family there was really an enjoyable day...you finally can see my grandmother, my grandfather & all my aunts & uncles with my cousins..that kind of feeling, it's hard to desribe..just like how you felt when you brought me to meet all your other family members to your waigong's place, 4th uncle's place etc...but when i heard you saying that i forced you to go cuz' you didn't wanted to go initially & wanted to accompany your mum, my heart sank....sigh...trying to bring you closer to my family, getting to know them, is it so difficult?? asking you to have a closer bond with my parents so that they can actually feel that you're the one for me (especially my mum) & prove to them that you're not the bad guy...sigh...is it so diffcult?? it's just like the begining DD...where i tried means & ways to strike a conversation with your mum cuz' i thought she didn't liked me...but DD, the fact that i had tried means i'm doing something...but DD, have you?? you didn't want to get closer to my family...especially my parents...when you said that last night nothing is more important than your family, my heart was torn apart...are you trying to tell me that mine's not important at all?? can't you see what i'm trying to get at after so long?? i just want you to be like me, talking comfortably with my parents...is that so diffcult or too much to ask for??

i know that sometimes i have this stupid habit where i must call you, sms you, like i can't wait that kind...but DD, do you know that i xin ji ma?? i don't know why...till now that i haven't got over that incident..here i am telling you that i've gotten over it but there, deep down inside that fragile little heart, i didn't dared to say it out loud that i've gotten over it!! i know, like what you said it's irritating being paranoid at almost every little thing but then DD, can you understand me?? can't you be more forgiving?? just giving in to me by just replying my sms?? just replying will do...i don't need you to call me...sigh...you told me that i can't wait...let me tell you DD, do you know that i've been trying very hard to?? if that incident hadn't occured, i will not be so paranoid against you...but the fact that it actually happened & that i have forgiven you, the impact you left behind, the shattered glass that i have to pick, the pain where i have to piece all that shattered glass together, you think i like it??? i know you might be telling me this: since you feel so xinku, why not just leave me??? but DD, did you know why, why i don't want to leave, why do i want to still continue to pick up the shattered glass with my bare hands & piecing them up together?? when i had forgiven you, i told myself, it's not going to be easy melissa, the trust i've once gave you, the betrayal, the pain inflicted on me, me being so paranoid against you...i know, before i've fully regain this & forget the whole thing, you would've already left me...because you couldn't take it anymore...but DD, you said that you'll be with me to fight this & you'll give in & forgive me cuz' of the pain you've inflicted...are you really saying this cuz' you want me to forgive you?? or, is it true right from the bottom of your heart...cuz' if it's true, things wou;dn't have gone haywired till now...

i really don't wish to rake up the unhappy past...in fact, i've been a stronger girl than before...being able to see through lots of things...you guiding me along as my support, i have no worries at all...although sometimes i tend to get immature but that's just the cute side of me...you'll laugh when i'm being childish...& everytime i hear your laughter, being xiao qi & throwing tantrums at times really is worhtwhile...i've been doing this so i can hear you laughing...i miss it DD...i really miss it...maybe you think that me acting childish will irritate you but then, i meant for the better...maybe i should stop doing all these..being myself would be the best...the plain old me that i used to be when you just started to know me...perhaps that way, you'll feel more comfortable, more stress free...i've been thinking since last night about things that i've done that make you feel so uneasy being with me...maybe i shouldn't go for the extra mile to work on our relationship...i should just leave it as it is...you keep telling me let nature takes its course...but do you know what it actually means?? sometimes letting nature takes its own course doesn't help in fact, before you knew it, it's already too late...

DD, what i can say is, i still care a lot for you...that's what they called going through thick & thin together...since things have gone haywired till this way, all i can say is I'M REALLY AM SORRY ABOUT THIS...who can i blame?? only me...i think i shall not bother you next month...maybe this was what god planned...putting us in a series of obstacles...but it's ok...i shall not bother you next month...most of my off days are not on weekends...maybe you can have more than enough time to spend with your beloved family...it's more important...

i really wish that i could turn back time & prevent that incident from happening...maybe from there, i can still be just myself...let you be the most carefree person...but it's impossible...sometimes, we should make the impossible, possible...one day, i'll get done & over it...will that day ever come?? maybe by the time it comes, you'll be gone...sigh...whatever the case, it doesn't work out...sigh...just wish that i could've had more time...












p.s: if only sky of love happens on us..if only...

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sky of love
Wednesday, July 23, 2008, 7:28:00 PM
i've been so happy the past few days...haha...on 19th, it was my brother's birthday which was also the day my cousin corrine celebrated her 21st birthday...it was a saturday...brought my brother out to have fun...luckily it was a saturday..hee...

woke up at about 10 plus..meet DD...he was late...called his home..omg!! i was right...he was still sleeping...we all got ready le...we waited for him at cck lor...haha...it's ok..i lent my psp to my brother, entertainment while waiting lor...i was reading my notes...finally he reached le...went to vivo...he suggested de...we want to look for my brother's birthday present ma...i don't know what to buy...hee...but then i was really broke le la...so i told DD i need him to buy my brother's birthday present first...hmm...he said it's ok that he's paying...i'm so happy lols...went to so many places, even ripcurl, my brother's favourite shop, there wasn't anything that interest him...finally when we're about to leave, DD suggested to go to edc...omg!!! DD's so smart lor...there was clothes that my brother liked...bought 2 shirts for him...a t-shirt & a polo shirt...at least it was so much better than the one we saw at puma...the price of that polo, we could really have bought 2 shirts for him at edc...haha...after we're done, went to candy empire haha...DD say he wanted to buy chocolates cuz' share our present like funny...so many people share...haha...up to him lor..haha...then i buy for my brother jellybeans..the famous one lor...haha...then we left to pasir ris...i don't know why la, i was so pissed suddenly...maybe pms lor...really siao 1 lor..suddenly scold my DD...cuz' at first he say wanted to go ehub there...then ended up he wanted to go the chalet first i was so pissed..cuz' i was feeling so early go there do what...nobody there de...after that we there le, pass corrine her present sat awhile then we left for ehub...go catch bear bear lol...we had fun there la...caught the bananas first...DD caught de...just a dollar he caught 3...so good lor..then i saw piglet there...so i ask DD catch for me...hee...he so sweet caught it for me...then let my brother play...he caught minnie mouse...which i later exchange it for tigger...then DD caught the chipmunk...then off we go le...cuz' mummy says they're going to cut the cake le..so walk all the way back lor...reach ler...wanted to introduce to ah ma de...but then DD went with my brother to take food then saw ah ma...then he self introduce lor..feel so bad about it lol...cuz' i was talking with uncle dan ma...he disturb me about DD..lols...then after that i went to call ah ma..she talk about DD..i say ya, that one my bf...lols...then after that went to take food...DD & my brother sat at the place where my parents sat la...then eat lor...DD humble, didn't take too much food..i know he was hungry...but he didn't want to take too much...he say he don't want people have the bad impression of him ma...ok lor...hmm..then we watch the legend...after that cut cake then eat ler we went home..hee...daddy send auntie karen home ma...then after that send DD home...wa, it was like 11plus le...then i have to do darwin also...hmm...DD so happy i think haha...cuz' like finally can sit the car that daddy drive =) haha...i also so happy..haha...


monday stayed at zerlina's chalet...wanted to give her a suprise that i staying over ma...cuz' doing 4sectors next day then i lazy take train myself all the way home...so ended up wanted to stay over..cuz' we were drinking ma...then suddenly i don't feel like doing flight...mc lor...zerlina so happy lols...then we went out wanted to go ehub...so sian ma...everyone also left le...so go out awhile see can go arcade ma...wth la, went there, all close lor...sad la...ended up go rent dvd..so cheap la...$3...then don't know what show to watch..i also don't want to watch ghost show...night liao somemore that kind of place watch...later i scared at night can't sleep hee...so ended up watch sky of love..hee...i tell you that show damn nice la!!! i'm so in love with that show!! it's so touching!!!


me & zerlina was crying like hell...the starting was so nice...showing how this guy, hiro wanted to woo this girl, mika..go watch it...it was a 2006 movie...i was touched by hiro's actions to the girl...it's what every girl wants...by the end, it was so sad...hiro suffered from cancer he died in the end...while he was having cancer he didn't want his girl mika to know...ended up they broke up...he found means & ways to leave her...he didn't want to make her worry...mika found another..but when she got to realise that hiro was suffering alone from hiro's friend, she broke to tears...it was when i broke into tears too...omg!!! all of you should watch this touching love story!!! i'm so in love with it now!!!

so morning went to take mc...they 2 accompany me...we went to take queue number first then after that we went to have breakfast...all of us had yong tau foo lols...then went back to clinic...know what, just as i was about to sit down, it's my turn already omg!!! so ciao...lol...went to see ler took mc ler then went back..wanted to go escape de but then suddenly ruikun said it was close...cuz' it was early in the morning, he didn't realise that it was closed on weekdays...only opened on weekdays..we all sian half..lols...then went back to watch sky of love again...me la...cuz' i lazy la...don't want to walk all the way back to ehub..wanted go arcade de ma...haha...then ended up watch again...this time we watch the japanese version de...it was so nice la...hee..so cute =) mika was just the innocent, gentle & cute girl hee...hiro has very bad temper if anyone disturbs his girl...but he's so cool...you'll be afraid of what he does...but then he does all that to protect his girl...omg!! i so love that part in the classroom...they both match la!! lols...as we were watching, i told them i missed DD's hair...cuz' his hair was somewhat similar to hiro's...everytime i saw hiro's hair i just got reminded of DD!!! hee...it was DD who told me to watch the show de...hee... finish watching le, it was time for me to go home le...haha..then revise lor...cuz' having exam le..

today, it was exam!! i was so worried about the questions...there were a few i couldn't answer...i anyhow de la but then make sense de la...hopefully can get a few marks out of it...sigh...just hope i'll pass with flying colours...hee...came back le went to find the soundtrack of sky of love hee...know what, the girl who sang the song was mika & her real name is yui aragaki...the guy who sang the other song was hiro & his real name was muira haruma!! omg!!! he's so handsome...i found it on youtube...then i saw another of his show...called negative happy chainsaw edge...hmm...i think next time off can watch le hee =) i just so love him in his hairstyle..i'll be looking for more of the videos & songs of sky of love...enjoy =)

DD, i was so happy when you said such touching words yesterday hee =) i love to hear these =) cuz' i told you i'm damn broke le & this saturday if we're going out, i need you to pay, you said, nevermind, i pay ok?? now it's my turn to take care of you hee =) DD also said you can protect me hee =) really like hiro =) somemore, you encourage me yesterday tell me i can do it hee =) so happy to hear that..muackz DD i love you!!




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Friday, July 18, 2008, 5:53:00 PM
words are flesh


now do i know the meaning of this..although it's just 3 words..it does means a lot...well, things didn't went on smoothly the past few days...

i don't know why

i wished i know...

this bad thing happened between a best friend & me..i was rushing out my assignment that night (really forgotten which night) i supposed i was too tired that i clicked onto the wrong button..that button that led to a disaster...not only i had to re-do my whole assignment which i supposed to pass up on wednesday, i lost a great friend of mine...a friend who was once a sister, my batch mate & my closest...

it all happened the next day...i came back from a flight...i still had time to complete my last bit of assignment so i went to finish it up...i was searching high & low for it but still i couldn't find it..went to click on the assignment i saved, but it turned out to be a draft...this was when i realised i didn't save my work the night before...sigh...i was blaming myself...i smsed DD...he told me not to be so agitated..relax & start doing it as i have the whole day to myself now to finish it up...i tried to but i can't...i was blaming myself...why was i so stupid not to save the assignment...had i save it, i could have done my revision for my exam...sigh...until a point of time, i told myself why blame yourself?? like what DD had said...no point crying over split milk...just do it again since i had the time instead of blaming myself...started a fresh piece of page & did it AGAIN..still mad at myself...then again, mummy started her nagging...fuck la!!! can't i just have some peace??? shit you!!! i'm preparing myself for exams & rushing my assignment..if you refuse to believe what can i do man!!! just come into my room & see what i'm doing then!!! goodness...she started & i just couldn't stand it, i quarrelled with her...& there she goes, started about my friends, the bags, the shoes, the things i had, my boyfriend, my school, my bond, my job!!! almost everything...regarding the shoes, it was daph who gave it to me...she just didn't believe me & thought i was making all sorts of excuses...but i wasn't!! it was really daph who gave me what!!!

just nice, Su called...i didn't wanted to answer...but then i thought it was something important, so i answered...she was asking me about the assignment..i explained & stuff...then she went on by asking about the exam questions mr henry was supposed to send daph...

i swear to god & may i be strike by lightning that i didn't mean it!!!


i told her i hadn't got it yet cuz' daph hasn't send me the document...then she started..

su: ya, she also haven't send me yet
me: me too..it's been a few days already..did mr henry send to her 1 or not?
su: don't know lei, i called daph but she never answer, sms her also never reply.
me: yea, me too...just now she got reply me that 1 msg only..cuz' she told me she just came back from xiamen...asked me why i called..so i replied her INSTANTLY, nothing much just wanted to ask you about the exam questions that mr henry said he wanted to send..then she never reply already man..
su: what's wrong with her ah? usually she reply so fast one right..
me: yea..& that msg i sent was like instant what..can't be busy what...she told me she just got back lei..
su: don't know la..
me (blood boil already): yea...it's like she doesn't want to send us like that sia..how could she...you know right, like you are responsible ma..if you busy or what at least let us know la..then we know you busy or what ma..then don't have to disturb you already what..
su: ya la..but maybe she really busy or what lei?
me: i know after flight ma busy what...but she's like on her way home, usually when someone replies her sms, she reply instant de what..i know la maybe she put her hp in her bag or what, cannot hear vibration..but at least like will check once in awhile ma....not like must 24hour check that kind..
su: ya lor, she usually reply so fast but now...
me: ya la, like she doesn't want to send us the document & make us all fail...you know like have some responsibility la...cuz' i received email from mr henry that he has already sent the document to daph already but till now she hasn't send us yet..( this was a misunderstanding cuz' after that daph did really explain that she didn't receive)
su: ya, i know..huh, mr henry send already ah?? then she should send ma...cannot be what..maybe she busy or what...
me: i know la..if i busy i also will like check ma cuz' important what..my responsibility high lor...
su: i try calling her again..if get through or she answer i ask her again..ok?
me: ok let me know again..bye

this was it lor...i know i shouldn't have said such things...i swear to god that i said such things cuz' mr henry said that he sent the email out already...plus i was like having problems at home...still rushing my assignment & all...sigh...i know i should've think twice before i say anything..but then, when i'm angry, that's me...that's my temper...even when my mum scolds me & when i'm not in a god damn good mood, i still say things which is out of pique...which i don't mean it...my family knows...my boyfriend too...& my family's afraid of me being like that...so sometimes when they know i'm going to start, they'll stop somehow...i'm sure my batch mates know me well...daph remembered clearly how i slammed that damn compartment...which Su asked why too...so why don't they just understand??

daph called me to clarify everything...i wanted to tell her all that i've written but then, i felt it was pointless for me to say anything cuz' she's just so mad...sigh...it's really all my fault..she told me not to blame Su for telling her...cuz' if not she won't know that i'm that sort of person...wth...she wants me to realise the mistakes i've made..this is the third time...
1st time pay thing, 2nd time aog thing & now this thing...all i can say was this really was a misunderstanding..but daph feels that this isn't...it's me who's selfish who has that kind of mindset...she said she don't mind losing this friendship till i realise this mistake of mine...i'm puzzled...of course to change for the better not because i change cuz' she ask me to change...i'm like...what la...i've knew that i shouldn't have said those hurtful words...i shouldn't have blurted it out to other people, i shouldn've kept all these to myself...but it's just that that was the time my volcano was about to erupt when Su called...

i know, all that she has done for me, she didn't expect any returns...she's still the caring girl who's there to motivate me, to move me on...where in the world can i find such a best friend who's like a sister to me?? a sister that tells me the truth, a sister that doesn't hide my weakness & flaws...she just tell me straight whether i like it or not...just because she doesn't want me to go to the wrong direction...but my darling girl, i really didn't mean it...i know, inside you, no matter how many chances you've given me, i don't cherish it...

let me tell you, you're wrong...i do cherish them...it's just that the more i'm trying to prevent it from happening, the more i'm doing it the opposite way..sigh..do you think it feels good inside?? i don't!!! you may not want this friendship anymore...but i'm still here hoping that there'll be a day where you will forgive me...until then, i think i shall not bother you cuz' i know you're still mad at me...maybe like what you said..wait till i've already changed..then that will be the day that you will talk to me...

did she know that when Su called, i just finished quarreling with my mum...sigh...nevermind, it's all my fault...put the blame on me then...no matter how hard i tried to explain i suppose she won't listen..it's ok..

the best part was when i smsed Su this
me: thanks ah...thanks so much that you told her..in future got anything, don't ask me if you can't get her...ok??
su: relax la...wat daph told u?

wth!!! ask me to relax when you told her already?? it's not meant for her to listen to intentionally...i just blurted it out, out of pique!!! that's all...sigh..i really don't know what Su has told daph...but she agree on things that i had said...

on wed, i was so amazed that she didn't say hello to me...nevermind daph not saying hi to me..i did say but it was a random 1...i sat at the table we used to sit just that i'm a seat away from her...when Su came, she sat next to me & daph...i can tell that she really knows how to act lor..sigh...nevermind...

i just hope that you'll talk to me one day...

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Sunday, July 13, 2008, 10:02:00 PM
sigh...DD didn't believe me...he thought there was something on between me & my ex...i knew it when he sent me back yesterday...why can't he just believe me...there's just nothing going on between us...we're only FRIENDS...pure friends...sigh...i don't know what's on his mind...i don't know whether he's being over-sensitive...but DD, trust me...i'm not seeing him...my heart only has just that enough space for you...sigh...hearing him say such things just now really make me feel upset..

i know that he's jealous yesterday when he sent me home..i sensed that something was wrong...yea, i know i was in the wrong that i "somewhat" lied to him..things were like that..

my ex messaged me to whether i had my dinner already...so i replied by saying yes, i'm at my bf's place having dinner..he replied saying wow, i hadn't had dinner yet....i was really nervous la when DD asked me that question so i told DD that it was a friend who asked me whether i had dinner...i said something like my ex wanted to bring me out for dinner but then i told him i was at my bf's place le ma..that's why lor...from his face, i can tell that he didn't believe...it's ok..all i know that i didn't do anything that betrayed him, my conscience is clear...

DD, i know you don't trust me cuz' what i say didn't tally & that i was nervous..maybe because i was really nervous if you know that i was messaging gary...maybe you thought i was lying to you...i know you were jealous but then i'm really really sorry...sorry to have lied to you saying it was a friend who messaged me & not telling you straight that it was gary who messaged me..next time i'll just tell you straight alright? i lied cuz' i'm afraid that you will be jealous & we will quarrel cuz' of this...sorry DD..i lied cuz' i don't want any unneccessary quarrels nor misunderstandings...sorry DD, i'm sorry i lied...don't be angry or suspicious of me le ok?? muackz!!

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my new hair!!
Monday, July 7, 2008, 10:23:00 PM
finally i've rebonded my hair...hee...it's been so long..but then it's still looks nerd on me right now...cuz' we still need to wait for like another 2-3days till it looks natural by then...hee..just so happy...although it wasn't where i wanted my hair to be rebonded at but still i like it...i have to take care of my hair now man...sigh...my parents went to genting....i just so wish that DD's here...sigh...why wasn't the roster planning me off on fri, sat & sun...why wasn't my parents to genting on that 3 days too?? sigh...it's alright man...i missed DD so much...sigh...

i know something's always missing when i'm all alone...seriously, these past 3 days has been very peaceful...with mummy not around, there's nobpdy to nag at me & all...i just did what i wanted...it's so nice...& the best part was, i take this as a holiday...a holiday at home...it would've be the most perfect if DD's here, right here just beside me...sigh...it's like it has been planned...just missing DD only...i do hope after DD's out from army, me looking for another job or be in another airline, i really do hope & pray that we'll spend more time with each other...really wish to get married that soon...i want to leave house...i want to have this kind of life...the life that i had these past 3 days...it's just so fun...it's a pity that i didn't go out to club...to take a look what's life there...cuz' it's mon man...would clubs be opened?? lols...well, nevermind me not going there but i just like what i'm doing now...so free, no work, no nagging & the best part, i get to have my own freedom...will it be like this when i get married?? will DD & me lead this kind of life that we've always wanted?? hmm...i just do hope & pray hard!!

well, tomorrow will be my last day of fun & my parents are going to be back at night...just hope that by the time they're back, i'm already asleep...i just don't want mummy to nag at me due to my hair...she's bound to nag..mark my words man!!! DD, it's really a pity that you can't accompany these few days..only that night where you came...sigh...really missed you so!!!

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weeeeeeeeeee
Sunday, July 6, 2008, 11:17:00 PM
wow...came back this morning at 6...coz' KD send us back ma..then i chatted with him about our company...sigh...just so sad lor...our pay & all...sigh...when i came back, i know DD was tired...hee...seeing him sleeping so soundly i decided not to wake him up...put my things down & when to brush my teeth..then go sleep le lor...sat on the floor & lie on the bed...coz' i don't want to disturb DD..can tell he's tired...so after that he called me up...hee..then go sleep lor..hee...he hugged me so tightly =) so happy that he came over...when i enter my house, i thought he wasn't there...then i saw the my room door left opened ajar...so i knew he was there le hee...so happy that he came over to stay =) slept till like 9am then i woke up...DD say ma you don't need go rebond your hair ah?? i was like oh ya ah...later la, not time yet...then he say i think don't go le la, spend your day sleeping la...save up your money la, don't waste money hee...stay at home & sleep haha...then i smsed Karen lor...let her know..she said fine..i wanted to do it tomorrow de but then, she said she has something on...so nevermind lor...i thinking whether to go edwin there rebond ma..ask first lor how much...


after that DD says he wants to go back le..his daddy call ma...then he still need to charge his cell, pack his stuff...& it was like 1plus le..haha...then he say maybe might go lot1...coz' yongsiang ask ma want to go anot...accompany him...i said ok lor...then i wait for him to finish his stuff then go meet him at lot1 lor...ended up i never go...then DD say he help me buy lunch for didi & me...i say ok...so when he's done let me know la...haha...so i stayed at home sleep till about 4 then wake up...really damn tired...haha..then after that he called me i didn't feel the vibration..haha...it's only when the house phone rang that i woke up...saw my cell & DD did called...2 missed calls..called him back...he said he's going home soon le...asked me what i wanted to eat so that he buy for me lor...i asked him whether he needs to do his packing & all...he said yea...so i said nevermind la...i don't want him to waste his time come over pass me food then go home..i know he's tired...so i let him go home while i continue sleeping haha..then later dinner then meet him ma...so when he reached home, only then did i decide to wake up haha...on my computer & started watching the legend haha...then saw DD online...pm him haha....he said he need to do his stuff haha..so ok lor let him...then after that he went to sleep...he did ask me la want to meet up for dinner...of course i wanted to man!! hee...

after that met him up for dinner...didn't know he brought all his stuff down & he was in his uniform to meet me...didi & me ordered food first coz' he's not there yet..tired calling him but he didn't answered...hmm...then called his house..his sister said he went down le...so ok lor...finish eating le...i asked didi go home first..i know he want to catch the legend...although he has finished the entire series he just want to watch it again...haha...so he went off first...i wanted to check how much was it to rebond my hair at edwin's place but then he was closed for the day...it was sunday i had forgotten...so nevermind lor, tomorrow go ask the price lor haha...if cheaper or about the same then i do la...if it's 100 definitely not ba...then like that i'd rather wait...at most get scolded or just go put some gel to make my hair stay hee...after that walked DD to the bus-stop...he say he want to walk even further down to the bus-stop nearer to my house..hee...he just want to make it convinient for me...coz' late night le..he's worried that i'm alone hee...so sweet of DD!!! muackz!!! bus come ler he needs to leave...so sad man...i couldn't kiss him coz' he's in uniform...nevermind ba...walked home alone...found it weird...that kind of feeling...usually DD walk me home de...hmm....reached home watched the show lor...then after that called DD hee...chat awhile then hang up le...then later in the night called him again before he went to bed hee...muackz!!! just missed him so much man!!

yesterday DD sent me to work....despite being so tired he ignored....didn't talk much coz' of friday's problem...somewhat a quarrel...hmm...he la, all his fault bleahz...then after that started to talk when he listened to a song...hee...after that he told me about what happened between sean & grace...then he said sean will send us go airport...so when we were at JE that time, sean called le...good timing...we reached earlier ma so i asked DD whether can go ntuc buy my stuff ma...sean called us when i was making payment...then after that took sean's car...DD's so tired so he lay down on my lap...let him sleep lor..hee...reach le...so we went to budget to have my dinner since it was kind of early...haha...so happy i'm working with danielle lor!! it's been a long long time since we last worked together...after we're done, we bid goodbye..hee...

my flight was damn fun la...especially with danielle & me at the back man!!! woots!!! haha...we bitch about *ahem* we know who...that's the secret between us =x haha...so much things man...from shopping to people & to chinatown...haha...so excited somemore lor..lols!!! after flight KD offered to send me & adele home..so waited for him lor..haha...

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sigh
Saturday, July 5, 2008, 1:10:00 AM
just feel so sad man...today's actually the day that DD booked out...but then the first thing he wants was to chat with his bunk mate when i called..sigh...fine, i let him...after he's done, he went to meet alvin...i called him..he said to call him back in awhile....he's finding alvin...find him only what...you can always talk to me ma...then after that he's done with alvin, called me la..was already very sad le...he still like that...nevermind...then chat lor...cuz' i need to have dinner so i told him i'll call him back once i'm done with dinner he said fine...
after dinner, went to call him..he says chat awhile cuz' he needs to do his stuff...i'm like, what stuff you need to do...alright, maybe you just need to unload all your stuff but you can tell me ma..after like awhile you done le i call you lor...but he didn't said a word..just said he need to do his stuff..wth lor...fine...i let him...then after that saw him online...asked him what he was doing, he said he's downloading some games..i'm like...ok...so you're busy with that huh...he said after the 9pm show on channel 8, he's going to look for donn...he'll be meeting sean later...sean & grace will be at his place later to play his remote control car that i bought for him last week...he ask to join him later la..i told him i need to wait for daddy to come back before i can go out ma...cuz' he working late night de...suprisingly daddy came back early so can meet DD early la...but then when i called to let him know, he said he's still outside...what do you mean by outside...why not just tell me that you're with donn now?? do you know that you made me suspect that you're with someone else...nevermind about that...he kept making lots of excuses not to meet him..like tomorrow he send me to work all that kind of stuff...argh...it's not about that you know..argh...why can't you understand?? i just want to meet you cuz' i missed you so much..& you said you missed me...is it true??
i'm going to rebond my hair this coming sunday...i've already informed him that i'll be doing it at yishun, the house salon...& i've told him that the last time during my birthday i went to the exact same house salon at yishun to do my hair...he said ok...& when he booked out, i called him that time, he was shocked that i'm doing it there...wth?!?!?!!? i've already told you liao lor...what's with that stunning expression?? sigh..nevermind..he really hurt me by those words he used & the expression on the phone la...i told him straight..it's alright if you don't want to accompany me to do my hair...he thought i was doing it at westmall..wth...it's expensive lor..argh...just so pissed today...supposed to be a happy day...turned out to be a sucky day....sorry people if i've used nasty words...i'm just feeling so bad man...
sigh..i thought that all guys when they booked out, the first thing they did was to call their girlfriends...but for me, i'll have to remind him..sigh...so disappointed...you may think that i'm being unreasonable but..sigh..nevermind..no point explaining..go ahead, put all the blame on me...

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argh...
Wednesday, July 2, 2008, 8:53:00 PM

i'm just so fed up with the pay system...they were telling us that we were going to be paid by hour...& now they're reverting back to the sector pay...wtf?!?!?!? & the best part was, they said we were paid by tiger...i thought all along sass is paying us & not tiger...really wth lor...sian...i don't know why but when i calculated my pay, it was in a total mess...argh...nevermind...

went to school, despite waking up late, wasting time & all, i was still early...hee..so happy...just hope that i'll AOG in bangkok tomorrow...hee...i really prayed hard man!!! haha...then fri, my sby will be a rest day ler..hee...no flights for me & i can meet DD!! hee...just now went to erabelle to do my eye brows...nice la...i didn't know why i went to extend my package...so i spent like another 300 plus for it...but it's ok...i got the chance for a lucky dip...just hope that fri they won't call me up...at least i can go to plaza singapura to have that lucky dip..haha...i hope to win cash or a mac book air..but then again, when you won something, it's better than nothing right so, i can't ask for much...hmm...just hope tomorrow i have a safe flight especially now that our aircraft has been down...due to the engines etc...i'm thankful sometimes that i get to live...that's why i always have this in mind...live life like there's no tomorrow...hmm...will be watching my show le...haha...the 9pm show le..haha...pray hard that i won't get called up on friday...just hope that there won't be anything that crops up tomorrow if not, i'm 100% sure that i WILL get called up...which is shit for me...cuz' the next day i'm doing 952...argh...yay!! i'm going to rebond my hair soon haha...

p.s had a chat with DD...i don't know whether i'm thinking too much or...cuz' nowadays when DD's tired, he will tell me that he's tired & doesn't want to chat anymore...sigh...the very last time when he first booked in, he wasn't like that...no matter how tired, he still chatted with me...sigh..don't know what's wrong or am i thinking too much..perhaps i'm thinking too much ba...sigh...cheer up girl!!!

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