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countdown: 9 more months
Twitter: Quotes: We might kiss when we are alone, when nobody's watching. We might take it home, we might make out when nobody's there. It's not that we're scared. It's just that it's delicate.
boring day
Tuesday, July 29, 2008, 10:55:00 PM
sigh, it's another boring day for me...sometimes, i do feel pathetic...about myself...i just don't know why...maybe i'll tell you about what i think & you guys think about it...

today i was supposed to meet dina at 2pm at jurong to buy her bikini...but then pay has not arrived yet...so she said she can't go or rather, she don't want to go...i expected it...but then, i still refuse to believe for i knew that tomorrow, tanning is still on...but then, after what i received from her, she didn't want to go...sigh...EXPECTED...nevermind...i had the whole day to myself this afternoon....came back from darwin at about 530am..was kinda hungry & was afraid that my gastric would act up...i went to finish my cookie crisp plus milk for breakfast...was full & went to sleep...woke up at 12 & dina's message came...blah blah blah...sigh...

i spend the whole day doing nothing but watching this japanese show, 14 sai no haha (which means 14 yr old girl going through pregnancy) it's a meaningful show although i'm only at episode 5...i did nothing..was feeling lazy too...it's always like that...whenever i'm back from a night flight & i have U/A, that whole day will be wasted just like that...cuz' i'm somewhat giving myself rest & just don't want to do anything...before that i chatted with sam over the phone & on msn...she also not free tomorrow...sigh...hidayah also not free..she's doing 638 sigh...damn!! after watching the show, i just wanted to rest...while resting (which means doing nothing) i was pondering about myself on how pathetic i was...first, daphne's incident....sigh...as a best friend, a batch mate, a good sister, i had to sour this relationship all thanks to me!! till now, i doubt she wants to talk to me...i wonder when will be the day she will...i'll just leave her alone & let it be...sigh...true friends are really hard to come by these days...best friends i do have are only sam, zer, hidayah, su boey, jeff & my bf!! sigh...the rest, nah...daph was once my true friend...a pity due to myself...sigh...everytime i want to ask someone to go tanning, go shopping, none's there...only for exceptional cases where my besties happened to have off on the same day with me, they will go out...but then, sigh...moreover, this month's roster sucks big time!!! i don't even have at least a day off on a weekend...you know, i desperately am searching for one as that's the only days i get to meet my bf...but this time round, not even a single off day on a weekend...argh...this week, fri, i'm doing 148/108 , sat sby, sun 702...what the hell la!!! keep giving me 702..can they like change it for god's sake!!! i'd rather be doing perth man!! sigh...

i just wished that i hadn't join this company!!! especially sass!!! never in my life i want to have anything to do with them once i'm out...melissa, hang on, you'll going to make it!! just another 1 1/2yrs more!! jiayou!!!

sigh...i have lesser time with my bf...if i were still in my old company, gio...i could've requested to do M shift all the way for weekends...i don't mind...sigh..but here...how to ??? life just sucks being here...pay also not in yet...damn!!! even going for a massage i'm also so lazy...sigh...i just don't know what the hell i want!!! DD!!! i need you!!! can you hear me??

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lonely
Wednesday, April 2, 2008, 12:28:00 AM
i don't know what's happening!!! sigh...even D doesn't care!!! argh....all he thinks about now is his game....his game, his friends, he's tired...what more can he tell me!!! doesn't he have a girlfirend to care for, to take care of & to love?? what's this...

i've given him chances time & time & again...what do i gain in return?? NOTHING?!?!?! what i thought in a relationship shouldn't be this way??? are FRIENDS & YOUR GAME so important to you that you didn't even realise how you have neglect someone?? how that someone feels?? i thought by giving him a chace he'll really change for good..but i was wrong!!! wrong always!!! honestly, i'm just sick & tired of this relationship!!! what you've promised before are all empty promises that are not meant to be fulfilled...i know you need time, you need the cash & you want be to be patient...but let me get this straight & clear!!! when you wanted something, did i even made you wait?? without hesitation, i just got you what you wanted..but jjust somethinf from you, it's so difficult...i have to wait for a year!! just long will i have to wait...you have time with your friends...don't mind spending whatever on them..but for me?? ask yourself!!! do you even spare a thought for me?? friends huh?? how long do they last??? do they make use of you?? i may seem like i have lots of friends but let me tell you the fact!!! i don't have any friends!!! in fact, i've been betrayed not only once but many times!!! all i trust is you!! only you!!! to me, what are friends??? they are all useless creatures whom live here...once they've found a new friend, they'll leave you & don't even bother to contact you...think about how you have sacrifice when you were having that friend...what the f*** they even steal your money behind your back without you knowing...let me tell you, a friend whom i once regard as my BEST FRIEND did that...she did that when i was in the toilet..even best friends do that...i have many friends it's true but let me tell you!!! friends to me are those hi & bye friends...they're no longer important to me anymore..have been given so many chances & i've always been betrayed...no longer am i going to trust..not anyone but me!!! they guy that i once loved so deeply & wanted to focus on my Os so that i can prove to my parents & make it an open relationship but what did he do?? even HE cheated on me once...let alone trusting him...why am i living in this world for??? it just sucks!! it sucks big time!!!

now that i'm having headache, even suspecting that i'm having amnesia, is there anyone there to care for me?? can't blame, i don't trust anyone..even he isn't there for me...what did you promise me?? to care for me?? bullshit!!! it's all shit!!! seriously, it's only begun for a few days & then, everything's back to normal...what is this???

do you know how i'm feeling now?? i need your love, your care, your concern!! i just need it..where are you when i needed you the most!!! when you need me, i'm always there...what abojut me??? who can i have!!!! NOBODY!!!!

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